Feck.
Dark clouds in my head again. Came just out of the blue. Nothing bad happened yesterday.
Depression meter at 10/10. I feel terrible.
Shall I cancel my sewing lessons? I could sleep my whole day away but that won't make me feel better.
I drag my body out of bed and look at the clock. Spent 17 minutes thinking about this. When I walk out of my room, I see my mother sitting behind her computer and mention to her that I have a somber day today. I don't need help or comfort, I just want people to know how I am today.
Not in the mood for breakfast but I eat anyway. My taste is flat.
Bailey greets me cheerfully. I scratch him behind his ears and give him a cat-treat. It's all just routine.
After watching the morning news, it is time to get dressed and ready to leave. Fortunately I packed my sewingkit before I went to bed so I don't have to worry about it. I only need to bring my patterns that are lying on my desk.
The weather is grubby. Nice.
When I drive towards the studio, I turn the radio up. Dreadlock Holiday by 10cc is on. When I start to sing along with the lyrics I feel my head getting lighter.
Depression meter 9/10. Going the right direction.
I'm the second to arrive at the studio. The teacher and student are chatting about tax-refunds. I greet them both and take my seat while unloading my kit.
Feck. I forgot to bring my patterns, without them I can't do anything... When I am in a depression my memory fails, while when I am good my memory is excellent.
The rest of the students enter and I excuse myself and drive back home to pick them up. Thirty minutes lost blunderhead.
When I return at the studio, everyone already started with their work. I place my cut-outs on the fabric and proceed to cut out the seperate pieces. During our activities we chat about ESC, local news, plans for school and I give advice on tax forms to a fellow student. My head becomes clearer, less pain is felt.
Depression meter 7/10. My smile doesn't feel forced anymore, it comes more natural.
I made good progress with my work but in order to make my job easier I need a fabric pen. Made a note of it in my mobile. I wish everyone a good weekend and go home again. The second time today but it doesn't matter to me anymore. I stopped being annoyed at myself.
Turn the radio up really loud and scan the stations for feel-good music. Anything to lift my mood.
A song from the past comes on.
The DJ of 3FM plays it for todays Guilty Pleasure song. He was 12 at that time. 1999, I was 19 then. I end up staying in the car until the song is finished. I start grinning. The stupid song lifted my mood.
Depression meter 4/10. My day will be alright.
I suffer from Dysthymia. Sometimes I suffer from major depressive episodes on top of my Dysthymia making life really difficult for me. Each day I learn to live and treat my depression, hoping that my environment will accept me as a person.
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